Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code steaming up the screen for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cried he had nothing, and lost it all when the power went out! God then said "Let us see if Jesus fared any better." Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, and voices of angels poured forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished and stutters, "H-h-h-how?? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckled, and said "Everybody knows...Jesus SAVES!!"

 

 

 

There was this man who had just died and was standing before St.Peter and St. Peter said he had to answer only 2 questions and then he would get into heaven. The man said ok and so St.Peter asked the first question which was what are the 2 days of the week that start with the letter "T" and the man answered today and tomorrow. St. Peter saids "Well that isn't what i was looking for but i'll take it." Then St. Peter asked,"What is the name of the guy that created the earth and everything in it?" The man said," This is an easy question of course his name is Andy." St. Peter said," What?" And the man starts singing "Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me and i know that i am his own...

 

This kid learned in school of how George Washington chopped down the cherry tree and that when he told his father the truth about the matter, he didn't get in trouble. Well the kid starts thinking what if that happens when I tell the truth. So this kid gets mischevious and hooks his horse to the outhouse in his backyard and lets the horse run free pulling and knocking down the outhouse. The kid runs inside so he won't get caught. As he and his family sat down at the dinner table his father walks in and in a stern voice he says,"Who knocked down the outhouse?" The kid stands up and says, " Father I cannot tell a lie, it was me" his father sends him to his room and was going to get a beating for what he did. As the father walked in his room the kid says" Dad, I don't get it when George Washington cut down the cherry tree and told the truth to his father he didn't get punished." and the father says" Well, George Washington's father wasn't inside the cherry tree when he cut it down!!!!"

 

 

 

There was 2 girls out driving to the mall, one day and they got in a crash. They went to hell and asked the devil how they could get out, he said that they had to shake hands with the ugliest thing imaginable. so 1 girl went and shook the hand of this ugly THING and she went to find her friend, she saw her shaking hands with a small, cute little girl and she said to her friend, what are you doing? you are ment to shake hands with something ugly. Then the sweet little girl said. its not her...it's me....i wanna get outa here to!

 

 

 

A Pastor decided to take a sunday off and go golfing instead. He drove to a far course, to avoid meeting any parishiners. When St. Peter saw this he went to God, "You are just going to ALLOW him to get away with this?!" "Don't worry. I've got it under control," God replied calmly. Soon, St. Peter was watching the Pastor's game. By afternoon he had made a perfect score. A hole in one every single time! St. Peter was absolutely furious, "God, you said you would handle it and he got a perfect score! Tell me, how is that punishment?!" God smiled and said, "Tell me, who is he going to tell?"

 

A rich, Christian man was talking to God, "Can't I take it with me when I go?" God always answered the same way, "NO!" Finally one day the man talked God into it and God said, "Okay you can take two suitcases full of anything you want." The man filled up two suitcases full of gold. When the rich man reached the pearly gates St. Peter asked the rich man why he had two suitcases. The rich man said, "It's okay I've already cleared it with God." St. Peter asked him to open the suitcases, when the rich man opened the suitcase, St. Peter said, "Why'd you bring paving?"

 

 

 

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